With contractions being 5 minutes apart and a bag of waters that had broken early the previous evening, I (very naively) figured I’d be home not too long after lunch. As I drove over to Rita and Bobby’s house my grogginess turned into excitement. At some point this chilly October day, two wonderful people were going to officially become parents to a sweet little girl and their lives would forever change…and somehow, in the midst of it all, they wanted me to help them through the laborious stretch of their journey.
When I got to their place (a cute little house with a garden on the North Side) Rita was doing pretty great. We took care of some light back pain with the heating pad then tried to get Rita to eat some food, but she just wasn’t feeling it. At least we got some water and tea in her.
Rocky, the resident Corgi, could sense something was going on and he paced the house seeking clues (that he naturally wasn’t going to find).It didn’t take too long until contractions were 2 1/2-3 minutes apart and it was at this time that a drive to the birthing center was in order.
I followed Rita and Bobby through Missoula and across town to the little two-story house where they hoped their baby would be born. We were greeted with kind smiles and brought into a comfy room complete with a fireplace, a Jacuzzi tub, and a nice big
comfy bed (among other home-like features). Little did we all know that we’d be there for 12 more hours and we’d be leaving with a baby still in Rita’s belly.Rita was absolutely amazing from start to finish. If anyone wanted women to think labor was difficult they would be sure to stay away from anything containing Rita during labor. She was so in tune with her body and the only sounds we heard from her were her deep breaths as she worked through each contraction. She spent the earlier parts of labor in the big birth tub then switched things up and spent a lot of time on the birthing ball. Anytime she tried to lay down the back pain was too much and right back up again she went. It wasn’t too long before she was dilated to 9 centimeters and we were all convinced it would be just a few more short hours and baby Ruby would be out in the world. Unfortunately 5 hours passed and Rita was still at 9 centimeters and for some reason contractions seemed to be going from 1-2 minutes apart, to 3-4 minutes apart. Regression instead of progression. The frustrating aspect was that she never once got the urge to push, hence the real issue with not getting to 10 centimeters.
We walked o
utside for quite a bit and contractions started getting closer together, but as soon as we’d go inside to get checked, they’d slow right back down again. After a lot of walking outside and no progression in centimeters, Jeanne (Rita & Bobby’s midwife) felt it was best for us to go the hospital and get Rita on some Pitocin. She was so close, just one more centimeter to go and that natural urge to push was bound to come. Both Rita and Bobby seemed at real peace with the outcome (although it wasn’t what they hoped for). The three of us were laughing on the front steps of the birthing center just 20 minutes before the decision to go the hospital was made. This was a true indication of how high spirits were that day.The drive over to the hospital was rather emotional for me. By this time I had been awake and helping these two amazing people for 13 hours. My exhaustion all seemed to hit me as I walked to the car talking to Ray on the cell phone. I missed him, I missed the kids (who I hadn’t seen since 8:00 the night before), and part of me felt guilty for being gone for so long. I cried. Hard. But in the end, Ray’s reassurance, encouragement and love helped me regain composure (for that time being) and off to the hospital I went.
Now, I feel I need to preface this part with a disclaimer of my intense dislike for hospitals. I think they stink (both literally and figuratively). I cannot stand the way they smell (pukes as I think about it) and I just have this overall bad feel when I’m in one. Can’t put an exact finger on it, but I just don’t like them.
So we arrived at the hospital and Rita and Bobby had pre-registered (just in case) which means the hospital staff loves them. We’re brought into what would be Rita’s labor and delivery room. A stern nurse comes in with a stack of paperwork and Rita is signing, signing, signing, and signing some more. I even get to sign a piece of paper (a Non-Creditionaled Medical Workers thingy majiggy). CMC basically wanted to let me know that I couldn’t in any way attempt to deliver the baby (uhh, duh) or have any direct say in decisions that were made (really?).
The nurse promptly hooked Rita up to a machine to measure the contractions as well as the baby’s heart rate. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. We were definitely in a much different atmosphere than our previous twelve hours and we could all sense that.
Everyone got settled in and Rita was finally comfortable laying down thanks to a lot of pillows and an adjustable hospital bed to prop her up. The doctor on-call came in (Dr. Summers) and introduced himself. He checked Rita (still 9 centimeters) and informed her of what exactly the Pitocin was to be used for. He then let her know that she might want an epidural at some point (my first thought was- “She’s NINE CENTIMETERS, why would anyone get an epi at nine centimeters?!?”), and that a c-section was something that could also end up happening. She nodded with each word he said and Bobby sat next to her calmly nodding along with her. Synchronized nodding is what it looked like- I loved it.
The stern nurse came back in not too long after that and started the Pitocin. Soon enough the contractions started getting strong, more intense and closer together. At some point, Dr. Summers and a nurse came in to put a “clamp” on the baby’s head. Apparently the heart rate monitor was picking up some whacky rates and the doctor was having issues distinguishing between Rita’s maternal heart beat and the baby’s. On the monitor we were now able to view the rate of contractions, Rita’s heart rate, AND the baby’s heart rate. All day long with every heart rate check, baby was between 130-150 beats per minute- perfect. Since we’d been at the hospital it was the same thing and I don’t believe any of us were once worried about the baby inside of that belly.
The Pitocin was upped twice and not too long after the second dosage Rita began getting sick (it had been quite some time since she had). Within a few short minutes, four nurses and Dr. Summers came bursting into the room. I think we were all really confused (I know I at least was).
The next series of events were rather tense and extremely emotional. I truly wanted to cry and somehow, in all my 7 months of pregnancy, my exhaustion, and my maternal emotions, I was able to control myself.
Dr. Summers told Rita that the baby wasn’t reacting well to the contractions and that her heartbeat had been below 100 beats per minute for over 4 minutes. Now I am here to contest that according to the monitor/screen we were looking at in Rita’s labor room, this wasn’t the case. I did notice it dip down to about 95 bpm, but that was for maybe thirty seconds (and I really emphasize on the “maybe”). Perhaps they were seeing things on their screen that we weren’t seeing in that room…
So Dr. Summers continues on with the baby not reacting well to the contractions and we just “need to have this baby now."
Rita asks, “A c-section?”
Dr. Summers, “Yes. We just need to have this baby now.”
The look on Rita’s face was truly sad and as I looked at Bobby’s expression I saw a true mix of frustration, fright, and anger.
“Is this absolutely necessary?” he asks Dr. Summers.
From here a series of words were exchanged. Dr. Summers seemed to get very defensive over the question and his tone of voice was extremely condescending. Bobby stated that he was merely asking a question to which he was met with another series of patronizing words. Bobby was out of his chair and out of the room so quickly. Dr. Summers didn’t even bat an eye and just continued telling Rita how she needed a c-section. It was best for the baby.
Meanwhile, nurses are grabbing an oxygen mask for Rita to put on, to help out the baby. For me, this made the whole situation feel so surreal. We had been in the calm confines of the birthing center for over 12 hours and had barely been at the hospital for 2 and Bobby’s cursing in the hallway, Rita’s wearing an oxygen mask, and nurses are running around like chickens with their heads cut off. I can only imagine what my facial expression was at this moment and I suspect it was one of complete shock.
The stern nurse had Rita sign some more paperwork and asked her if she understood why they were doing the c-section, to which she replied with a rather quiet “yes.” The nurse then proceeded to basically bash Bobby and his being upset, which seemed to affect Rita negatively. Meanwhile, the machines are still pumping Pitocin into Rita (who obviously no longer needs it) and amidst all of this chaos and emotion, she is still receiving the intense contractions that come with the drug. Rita’s mom asks the nurse to turn off the machine and she does promptly.
A few minutes seem like hours (to me) as the nurses quickly prep Rita for surgery. They put some extremely tight socks on to prevent clotting, insert and remove needles and various other tasks for surgery prep. At some point the anesthesiologist came in to explain the epidural.
In the meantime, Bobby has returned, calmed down, but still a little upset about the encounter with Dr. Summers. The stern nurse asks Bobby if he’ll be okay in the operating room and a brief, but tense exchange is made between the two of them. Within a few minutes there is another encounter between Bobby and the stern nurse, who for some reason decided to interject some of her own opinions about Rita and Bobby coming to the hospital. This gets Rita’s mom upset, and Bobby storms out of the room again. From my point of view, the nurse’s comments were unnecessary and way out of line. As Bobby left she mockingly told him he wasn’t allowed in the O.R.
Rita pleaded with the nurse to let Bobby in, insisting he would be okay. I told the nurse that he had been such a long and emotional day, and when all was said and done I knew Bobby would be calm in the O.R. In the end, Rita was being wheeled off to surgery prep while Bobby was put into some scrubs so he can accompany her for the birth of their baby.
Rita’s parents, her sister and her brother-in-law, Bobby and myself all waited for the doctor to come and get Bobby and this truly seemed like an eternity. We were moved to another hallway and finally Dr. Summers came. Not too much longer and the baby would be in this world. After such a long and emotional day, it would be the perfect ending.
It wasn’t too long before Rita’s sister said, “There’s Bobby! They’ve got the baby!”
We all bounced up and went over to the window of the nursery and there was Bobby and sweet little Ruby James. She was weighed, measured, and had her footprints stamped. She was calm, then she cried, calmed down, and cried again. Here was this perfect little baby that we had all waited so patiently for that day and all that happened to get her here was behind us…and for the time being, forgotten. Bobby was such a proud father and I just knew this little baby was a lucky one.
Beautiful Ruby James entered this world on October 13, 2010, at 10:50 pm. She weighed 8 pounds 0 ounces and measured 20 1/2 inches. She had the tiniest hands and feet, but she was so long and healthy. A true gem of a baby.
The events of that day are ones I will never forget. Here are three people I will forever be tied to and for such an amazing reason.
Thank you, Rita and Bobby, for choosing me to help through your labor. Rita, you are such a strong woman and I am truly awed by your strength and determination. Bobby, you are going to be such a wonderful daddy and while I didn’t know your dad personally, I know he is so proud of you today. And of course, baby Ruby, you are one lucky little baby to have two such incredibly marvelous parents. I cannot wait to watch you grow and to see the person you become.
